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Software Developer in London, UK.

The Courage To Be Disliked- Book 4/52 (2020) - 2020/01/28

Introduced me to the concept of Adlerian psychology.

Book link: The Courage To Be Disliked - Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga.

The book is written as a dialog between a teacher and a student. I had read this before but found listening to it a better way to consume it, especially if you can find the time to walk around outside for the odd hour during it.

“All problems are interpersonal relationship problems” is probably the most repeated phrase in the book and I quite like the idea of it. The idea that if you were totally alone in the universe, you would have no actual problems since we can boil them down to issues with relationships and communication.

A few concepts from the book:

  • We all have our own tasks (things you can control), and then there are tasks that are the responsibility of others. e.g. it is not your task define what someone else things of you, it is their task and you should not worry about it, as you have no control over it.
  • We should look for horizontal relationships over vertical ones. Vertical ones are hierarchical (manager/employee, parent/child), horizontal ones are where people treat each other equally and avoid manipulating each other.

I liked the idea that understanding the past is rarely necessary or useful for moving forward (Teleology vs. Etiology). There’s always much focus on people understanding all of their past experiences to explain their current self, but not making much in the way of action to change or improve that. Your actions today are not at the mercy of the past, despite what you think (or what you think you think).